A good name is better than precious ointment,
and the day of death than the day of birth.
2 It is better to go to the house of mourning
than to go to the house of feasting,
for this is the end of all mankind,
and the living will lay it to heart.
3 Sorrow is better than laughter,
for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.
4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning.
On Saturday at a graveside service in Lubbock's oldest cemetery, we offered time for the family to share thoughts and remembrances on the life of the departed.
An old and very wise man spoke up. "They say that when we are born we weep while the world rejoices; and when we pass away the world weeps while we rejoice. Our tears are for us. She is at peace."
These are words only a churchman could have spoken.
The writer of Ecclesiastes tells us there is a time to mourn. The wise know it is so. We were made to mourn and grief. It is the process of saying goodbye.
When death comes those who have not learned to say grieve and say goodbye -- those who have never been to the house of mourning -- get stuck. This is one of the great tragedies of a culture and civilization where the church is no longer a part of the fabric and rhythm of the people's lives. The church teaches us how to grieve. It teaches us how to say goodbye. It is a school for mourning.
Those who have never gone to the house of mourning with others are not able to find the way out when they themselves get locked inside. This is one reason for the mental health crisis we are now seeing in the 21st century. We have forgotten how to mourn.
The writer of Ecclesiastes is right, "the heart of the wise is in the house of mourning". And there in the house they discover the truth of what St Paul wrote, that "we grieve" -- there is no way around it -- "but we do not grieve as those who have no hope."
That is so true. But it takes a community of faith to teach us how to do it, how to weep for ourselves and also rejoice for our beloved.
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